I’m Happy for You (Sort of…Not Really)

This is my review of I’m Happy for You {SORT OF…Not Really} by Kay Wills Wyma. Much of this book covered topics I’ve already recognized in my life and don’t struggle with. The best parts were at the end. Therefore, I’ll just share the quotes I extremely liked here for future reference.

Comparison makes life about me, how I measure up or fall short. And all that self-absorption consumes our mental energy and prevents us from enjoying life (11).
I quickly forced a mental reboot and chose to be genuinely happy for my friend (11).
Being preoccupied with how we measure up personally leads to either pride or humiliation, whereas choosing to focus on and congratulate the other person lifts us both up (24).
I’m happy for you–we move from comparison to compassion (25).
Ctrl/Alt/Delete: Ctrl-Control the thought process by pausing to recognize the problem; Alt-Consider an alternative perspective; Delete-Eliminate Comparison–or at least tone it down (26-27).
“You’re stressed because you’re making it about you and how you will stack up against everyone else. Stop for a minute. Look up and find someone next to you who is probably feeling the same pressure to perform. Just say something genuinely encouraging to them like, ‘You hit such a great serve. You’re a really good player whether you make the team or not’ and your life will be better” (27).
When comparison isn’t involved, we are content (30).
The garden inhabitants were satisfied until someone suggested something was missing. I’m content until my attention is drawn to something I didn’t even know was absent from my life (31).
Comparison is the thief of joy (33).
“Nothing shall I, while sane, compare with a friend” (33).
Maybe fixing my eyes on the beauty already present in my own life can help me be happy for folks around me–and mean it (35).
Glimpse=a moment in time that I’m letting play with my emotions as I compare myself to them (38).
What we see is often just a snapshot (39).
Glimpse is when I let a moment of loss or disappointment loom larger than it should and obstruct my perception of my own life (39).
In every situation there is something for which we can be grateful (40).
It’s hard to be grateful for, or to, anyone with my eyes on myself (40).
Good things exist in the midst of bad circumstances, if we’re willing to look for them (42).
Gratitude is a discipline (43).
Nelson Mandela …kept his focus on what could be. He never appeared to wallow in the past. He didn’t allow the wrongs he’d suffered to define his perspective (47).
Life is about more than this one moment (51).
There is more to a situation than meets the eye, that good can come out of it–whatever “it” might be–if we stop to view things from another angle (51).
You are worth so much more than a parking spot (54).
Caring about others is more important than caring about what others think (65).
True joy resides in relationship. She didn’t care about the state of my fridge; she cared about me (66).
“A human mind is a wandering mind, and a wandering mind is an unhappy mind” (66).
The problem is, if I focus on comparison, then I am focusing on myself (67).
Maybe it is our imperfections which make us so perfect for one another (69).
We are actually drawn to people who are real and down-to-earth (71).
When I’m less concerned with what people might think about me, my mid is freed up to realize I’m not nearly as messy or coming-up-short as I might think (71).
Rather than worrying about what others think, let’s consider the fact that people just like us are on the other side of those perceived thoughts–probably worried about what we’re thinking of them (71).
Before [fill in the blank] changed [your] perception…would you have ever noticed…let alone coveted? (75).
Human beauty is not fixed (79).
Spend more time appreciating the things we do like (84).
Each of us carries a mental mirror, a reflection of a preconceived, often skewed ideas about how we look and how we should look (85).
What if I considered my true reflection to be found in the way God sees me (88).
Her thinness has nothing to do with me. Her body type doesn’t affect whether or not I’m thin or fat. But sometimes we get stuck believing that a particular standard determines whether or not we are okay. And more times than not, that standard has nothing to do with us (89).
Focus not on trying to fix the things that aren’t quite right but on appreciating the things we do have going for us (89).
We can stop comparing (90).
Good for her that she’s got nice legs. And luck y for me that I have (insert one of your go-to qualities) (90).
Watch for the beauty that is always present–in others and in ourselves, guys and girls (92).
Contentment comes when we choose to see the immeasurable, incomparable beauty of each human, including the one in the mirror (92).
I no longer measure the worth of a post on how many Likes it gets. I post because it gives me pleasure…Most of us in life will never go viral or be a Brene’ Brown, but we all make a difference in our own way…I do what I do because it gives me joy (99).
My contentment hinged on something that had no relevance (100).
We measure ourselves against other people who are measuring themselves against other people (107).
Normal is a relative concept (107).
Who came up with the idea of “normal” (108)?
[Social] norms are the potential “pressure” in situations that: help to define the nature of social reality; from the foundation upon which people base their interaction; and provide a common referent for members’ self-evaluation. By means of these mechanisms, norms increase feelings of personal and group identity(108).
If I let the lines define my self worth, then I might need to do a little soul-searching (110).
Contentment: striving after our potential. Not someone else’s, not a predetermined spot we measure ourselves against, bout our unique potential (110).
Might focusing on the reality that we each have differing “bests” free us to spur others on to strive after their potential (111).
My hope is that home will be a sweet memory for each of them and that they will want to come back often. i hope it’s a place where they know they’re accepted and loved, regardless of how society says they measure up. A place where their worth is not determined by their ability to act or look a certain way but simply by their being who they were created to be. A place where they ‘re challenged to reach their unique potential and to encourage and celebrate with others as they do the same (112).
Joy comes when we find harmony with ourselves and the life we’re currently living, resting in our potential rather than being distracted by everyone else’s (112).
Knowing us well enough to recognize the little bitty things that really mean something. Like extra rice in a burrito bowl…I want to be like him (123).
Making your coffee before you’ve reached the register or by the grocery-store bagger who greets you by name (124).
Our friendship is tried and true, mostly because we are honest with each other. She’s not afraid to call me out; she’s a safe place for me to share; she rejoices when I rejoice and is sad when I am sad. And it goes both ways. True friendship encourages and offers safe ground for authenticity, a rare commodity these days (127).
When I’m on the right side of fair, do I consider the ones who miss out (134)?
Well, he’s making himself miserable. He could be so happy if he just let it be. you know? If he could just sit back there and be okay with Fury getting to play on the iPad, he would actually be happy. But it’s like he would rather Fury haven nothing and be miserable too than just be happy for him (134).
Fairness is a shifting scale (137).
Lower your expectations of earth. This isn’t heaven, so don’t expect it to be. –Max Lucado (137).
Whether you like it or not, I actually am the authority over you. you may not always know why I choose to give or not give you things you desire, and sometimes my decisions seem unfair (especially when a sibling seems to receive different treatment), but you can rest in the fact that I love you and have your best interest at heart. And I see a little more of the big picture than you can at this stage (140).
The talents and treasures on this earth are not distributed equally, and that is not fair…God is indeed fair, but fair does not mean equal (141).
It’s a question of trust…Do I trust that everything would be okay because God is in control (141-143)?
Place trust in God rather than in circumstances (143).
I can choose to be grateful and to trust that God has everything in hand and my best interests at heart (144).
Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.–Corrie ten Boom (145).
Contentment is found in accepting, embracing, and doing our best with the reality of our own situation (148).
Swimming races are made up of heats. Your heat could be fast or slow. There’s no way of knowing. So in reality, you’re not racing against the kis who happen to be in the pool at the same time you are. You’re racing for the wall (154). –> Run through the tape!
You need to focus on the wall. The wall is where your race ends (155).–>Focus on the finish line.
What if, instead of looking at others as a measure of our own value, we looked at them simply to appreciate and even celebrate their success (166)?
To be nobody-but-yourself–in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else–means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting. –e.e. cummings (169)
Excellence is not being the best, but doing your best (170).
Well-intentioned parents instill high expectations in their kids, who then feel like failures when an achievement is good, maybe great, but not perfect (171).
A good job is good enough; they don’t need to have the best job. If they can go through their lives looking for and appreciating what’s good in their friendships, in their romantic relationships and in their work–even if their work is more modest than it would have been 10 years ago–they can live an incredibly satisfying life that way (171-172).
We say that people are proud of being rich, or clever, or good-looking, but they are not. They are proud of being richer, or cleverer, or better-looking than others. If everyone else became equally rich, or clever, or good-looking there would be nothing to be proud about. It is the comparison that makes you proud; the pleasure of being above the rest (176).
Failure and disappointment come with the territory (185).
A setback doesn’t mean it’s time to quite (186).
Freedom comes when we each focus on doing our best rather than being the best (186).
My happiness grows in direct proportion to my acceptance, and in inverse proportion to my expectations.–Michael J. Fox (187).
Never give expectations that kind of power (192).
Good communication can save us from those unspoken, unfounded expectations–and the resulting discontent (193).
The issue is the way we act when expectations go unmet (195).
Satisfaction rsts in our ability to enjoy the spoils of success or deal with disappointment. Contentment comes, in large part, with acceptance and gratitude for what we do have, rather than focusing on all the unmet expectations and the accompanying pressures (195).
The so-called midlife crisis has almost everything to do with marinating our thoughts in the disparity between what we anticipated and what we’ve experienced…We get so focused on the way we think things should look, we forget to see all the good that is (195).
Can I appreciate that_____________?
Accepting those unmet expectations, and actively noting the good things we enjoy in spite of life’s shortcomings, fosters happiness (196).
Researchers have found that people who regularly write down things for which they are grateful in gratitude journals have increased satisfaction in life, higher energy levels, and improved health. In one study, people who read a letter of appreciation to someone in their lives were measurably happier almost one month later. performing acts of kindness or altruism boosts moods (196).
Letting go of our comparisons and choosing to be happy anyway can actually alleviate stress and improve our health (196).
Even the simple act of smiling stimulates peace and contentment (197).
Endorphins are responsible for making us feel happy, and they also help lower stress levels. Faking a smile or laugh works as well as the real thing–the brain doesn’t differentiate between real or fake as it interprets the positioning of the facial muscles in the same way (197).
Being happy is a choice (197).
Expectation issues are real. Managing them takes practice…Serenity Prayer: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the tings I can, and the wisdom to know the difference” (197).
“Depressed stance” –Charlie Brown (198).
It’s not bad to want my life to look a certain way. I can pray specifically for such things, but I need to hold them loosely. I want to give God a blank canvas. Let Him paint it. Then rest in the fact that the painting will ever look like what I plan, and I’m grateful for it (201).
It isn’t wrong to have goals and hopes and dreams. or to work diligently toward such things. But when those expectations determine our contentment, we may have a problem. Because things usually don’t end up the way we think they will (201).
I don’t have to know. But I do have to trust. I must trust that putting one foot in front of the other is enough. And to keep putting one foot in front of the other. My part is obedience (202).
God always gives his best to those who leave the choice with Him (202).
Few things in life are certain (204).
You get to choose your response (204).
Detours occur. Change is inevitable. My perspective, my attitude, and my response are key. I can choose to wallow in frustration, anger, and disappointment. Or I can meet change head on, treat the symptoms, get help if needed, accept what I can’t change–and hop around until my foot is normal. Or until I get used to my new normal (204).
Learning to accept life as it comes frees us to recognize an unexpected path on our route to our happiness. Because “a truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour” (204).
Just do your best. You can’t do anything more than that (206).
If [we] spend [our] time in constant comparison, [we]will not be the people God created [us] to be and will not live the abundant life God intended for [us] (208).
I do not want comparison to steal my joy or derail me from the path the Lord has set for me (208).
God loves us with an unending love, and He does not compare us with another (208).
We are enough as we are right now (209).
We are enough to be loved by God and by others (209).
It feels so much better to set people up to be cheered than to be the one cheered (211). (Volleyball)
In order to have a friend, you need to be a friend (212).
A friend is the person who is loyal and genuinely wants you to succeed in life. You know them by how willing they are to celebrate with you when you’re succeeding, not just by how they hep you up when you’ve fallen (212).
When you learn to celebrate with others, you discover the true purposes for living life (212).
The struggle with comparison is–normal (213).
Faith that everything actually does work together for good (214).
Any light that we see coming from the moon is only a reflection of the sun’s light…It’s as if the moon is fully surrendered to the sun…That’s like us when we fully surrender to God–we shine. An the shine is never our own. The more we surrender, the more we bask in His light and the more we reflect His light (216-217). –> Make me like the moon.